Family Mediation | Children

How can Mediation Help with Children's Issues

One of the most important issues for separating parents is what happens with the children. Mediation can help parents discuss where children will live, how they will spend time with each parent, how decisions will be made and how parenting will work after separation.

The focus should be on the child's welfare, stability and best interests. A breakdown of an adult relationship does not end either parent's relationship with the child, unless safeguarding reasons require restrictions or protective measures.

What Can Child Arrangements Mediation Cover?

Child arrangements mediation can cover day-to-day care, overnight stays, school arrangements, holidays, birthdays, Christmas, religious festivals, handovers, communication, travel, extended family contact, medical decisions, activities, childcare, school costs and practical parenting responsibilities.

It can also help parents discuss how they will communicate with each other, how decisions will be made, and how future disagreements will be handled.

Where the Children Will Live

Mediation can help parents discuss whether the children will live mainly with one parent, share time between both homes, or follow another arrangement that fits the child's needs.

The right arrangement will depend on the child's age, schooling, routines, relationship with each parent, distance between homes, work patterns, safeguarding issues and the child's wishes and feelings where appropriate.

Time With Each Parent

Parents can use mediation to agree on regular weekly or fortnightly arrangements, including weekdays, weekends, overnight stays and handover times.

Arrangements should be practical and child-focused. They should take into account school, sleep, travel, homework, clubs, friendships and the child's need for routine.

School Holidays and Special Days

School holidays often need separate arrangements from term time. Mediation can help parents agree on how holidays will be shared, how much notice is needed for trips, who will hold passports, and how travel costs will be handled.

Parents may also need to agree on arrangements for Christmas, birthdays, Mother's Day, Father's Day, religious festivals and other important family occasions.

Taking Children Abroad

Taking a child abroad may require the consent of all those with parental responsibility, unless a court order permits it. This is especially important where there is no clear agreement or where one parent has concerns about return.

Parents can use mediation to agree on holiday notice periods, destination details, travel documents, emergency contact details and return dates.

Education and Health Decisions

Mediation can help parents agree how decisions will be made about schooling, school applications, parents' evenings, tutoring, medical appointments, vaccinations, counselling, dental care and other welfare issues.

Where both parents have parental responsibility, they will usually both have a role in major decisions about the child's upbringing, unless a court order says otherwise.

Contact With Grandparents and Wider Family

Children may benefit from continuing relationships with grandparents, cousins and wider family members where this is safe and positive.

Mediation can help parents agree on how wider family contact will happen without creating confusion, pressure or conflict for the child.

Parenting After Separation

Good post-separation parenting often requires clear communication and boundaries. Parents may need to agree how they will share information, manage handovers, attend school events, deal with new partners and avoid exposing children to adult conflict.

Children should not be used as messengers, asked to take sides, or placed in the middle of arguments between adults.

Money and Child Support

Child arrangements mediation can include practical discussions about child-related costs, such as uniforms, clubs, school trips, childcare, travel, phones, birthdays and holidays.

Child maintenance is often calculated separately using the Child Maintenance Service formula unless parents reach their own family-based arrangement. Financial issues should be recorded clearly to reduce later disagreement.

Child-Inclusive Mediation

In some cases, a mediator may meet with a child directly as part of the mediation process. This is often called child-inclusive mediation or direct child consultation.

This will only happen where it is suitable, the mediator is trained to do it, the parents agree, and the child is willing. The purpose is not to make the child decide, but to help parents understand the child's wishes, feelings and experience.

Parenting Plans

A parenting plan can record what the parents have agreed to. It can cover living arrangements, time with each parent, handovers, communication, holidays, school matters, healthcare, wider family, money and how arrangements will be reviewed.

Cafcass provides an online tool called Our Child's Plan, which helps separated parents record practical arrangements in a structured way.

MIAMs Before Court

Before making many court applications about children, a parent will usually need to attend a Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting, known as a MIAM, unless an exemption applies.

A MIAM is not the same as full mediation. It is an initial meeting to explain mediation, assess whether it may be suitable, and consider other non-court options.

When Mediation May Not Be Suitable

Mediation may not be suitable where there has been domestic abuse, coercive control, intimidation, serious safeguarding concerns, child abuse allegations, substance misuse, severe mental health issues, fear, threats or a major imbalance of power.

In these cases, urgent legal advice may be needed. Protective orders, police involvement, children's services or a court application may be more appropriate.

If Parents Reach Agreement

If parents reach a mediation agreement, they may record the arrangements in a parenting plan or written summary. Many parents then follow the agreement without needing a court order.

In some cases, parents may want the agreement made into a child arrangements order. Legal advice should be taken before applying, particularly if there are safeguarding concerns or disagreement about the wording.

If Parents Cannot Agree

If mediation does not resolve the dispute, a parent may apply to the family court for a child arrangements order. The court can decide where the child lives, when the child spends time with each parent, and other specific issues.

The court's main consideration is the child's welfare. The court will consider the child's needs, the risk of harm, the child's wishes and feelings, depending on the child's age and understanding, and the practical effect of any order.

Family Mediation Voucher Scheme

The Family Mediation Voucher Scheme can provide a contribution of up to £500 towards eligible family mediation costs. GOV.UK says the scheme is intended to help separating families resolve disputes without going to court.

Eligibility is usually assessed by the mediator. The voucher is paid directly to the mediator rather than to the parents.

Why Legal Advice Still Matters

Mediators do not give legal advice to either parent. They are impartial and help both parents discuss options. A solicitor can advise one parent privately on their rights, likely court outcomes, safeguarding concerns and whether any proposed arrangement is workable.

It can be sensible to take legal advice before or during mediation, rather than waiting until the end, especially where there are complex issues or concerns about safety.

When Legal Advice May Be Needed

Legal advice may be needed when parents cannot agree on where a child should live, how much time the child should spend with each parent, whether a child can be taken abroad, or how schooling, health, or safeguarding decisions should be made.

A solicitor can advise on mediation, MIAMs, child arrangements orders, parental responsibility, prohibited steps orders, specific issue orders, domestic abuse, relocation, holidays abroad, enforcement and urgent court applications.

Current Position

Child arrangements mediation can help separated parents make practical, child-focused decisions without the need for contested court proceedings. It can cover living arrangements, contact, holidays, education, health, wider family and communication between parents.

Where mediation is safe and suitable, it can reduce conflict and help parents build workable arrangements. Where there are safeguarding concerns, domestic abuse, or urgent risks, legal advice should be sought promptly, and court protection may be needed.

Disclaimer

Solicitors.com is not a firm of solicitors and does not provide legal advice, mediation services or financial advice. The information on this page is for general guidance o. It should not be relied upon as a substitute for advice from a regulated solicitor, accredited mediator or other qualified professional. Family law, mediation rules and court procedure can change, and how the law applies will depend on the facts of each case.

Feedback

If you believe this page contains an error or requires updating, please get in touch with us. We welcome amendments that help keep our legal information accurate and useful.